POLITE QUIET BEASTS EXERCISING
at 2 o'clock on tuesday the gym is quiet.
the homeless rabbit is here.
her hair is dyed black on bottom and bleached blonde on top.
her mouth moves in and out like a rabbit.
she is quiet.
she is sitting with a two-liter bottle of diet coke watching a small television on mute with captions.
she has been here watching television for three hours.
she is the homeless rabbit.
exercising on an eliptical machine across from the homeless rabbit is chubby moby
he is wearing a bright orange shirt and black rimmed glasses
he watches television with captions while listening to an ipod
moby is small and skinny and wears clean new balance shoes
chubby moby is very tall and a little chubby and wears clean new puma shoes
he is always grimacing in pain
he only comes here on friday
friday is chubby moby day
at 6 o'clock two white trash beast friends walk on treadmils together
they are not quiet and polite
today the beast friends bring one of their grandsons
the grandson is a small beast and is acting like an asshole
the grandma beast says 'if you run out of my sight one more time i am going to tell your mother to beat your ass when we get home'
the grandson then sits quietly and reads 'cosmopolitan' magazine from the magazine rack in the corner
the white trash beasts continue walking
one beast says 'i think i am going to eat a turkey sandwich with ranch dressing tonight'
the other beast says 'that sounds good, i think weightwatchers says that is okay'
after exercising chubby moby drives to his apartment and opens the door and walks inside
chubby moby walks to the kitchen counter where his laptop computer is and checks myspace
he has no new friend requests and no new messages
chubby moby looks up from the computer very bored
it is 9 p.m. on friday night
chubby moby lives alone with a 50 gallon fish tank
on the way to his fish tank to feed the fish chubby moby trips on a self-help book for weight-loss and falls toward the fish tank
to avoid knocking the fish tank over chubby moby turns very quickly away from the fish tank while still in the air and falls onto his coffee table breaking the glass and knocking over two half-filled gas station cups of diet mountain dew, three mostly-eaten paper containers of fish sandwiches from burger king, five half-used containers of barbeque sauce from wendy's, one half-filled 24 oz cup of coffee, a stack of DVDs from hollywood video including four jet li movies and two steven seagal movies, and an opened but unused package of optimum slim organic cereal
chubby moby is laying facedown on the coffee table bleeding from the glass and wet from the barbeque sauce, diet mountain dew, and coffee in a contorted position with his right arm under his body with the hands on the left side of the body, his left arm behind his head, his right leg bent under his body with the knee putting pressure on his chest, and his left leg behind him with the foot on the carpet
'fuck' chubby moby thinks calmly
on mid-saturday afternoon the gym is calm
one of the white trash beasts shows up
a half an hour later the other white trash beast shows up
they usually walk next to each other on the treadmills
today they are four treadmills apart
the white trash beast who came a half and hour later still wants to talk to her white trash beast friend
she yells 'how are you doing pat? are you going to the weight watchers meeting tonight?'
the other beast says 'no i have been very bad this week, i can't go there'
the beast replies 'bobby has only been doing it for two weeks and she's already lost 16 pounds'
the beasts cell phone rings. while she is talking loudly on her cell phone the other beast thinks about her week. she thinks about the bulk case of otis spunkmeyer blueberry muffins she bought from sam's club. each muffin has 700 calories. in three days, the case was gone. this morning while shitting she calculates the weight watcher points she has consumed. 'that was 1,000 weight watcher points' she thinks. 'shit' she thinks.
the beast pat is in her living room on the sofa saturday morning watching the news on TV
her husband is in the kitchen microwaving a piece of pizza
the beast yells from the living room 'i'm going to play tennis with carol today'
a few minutes later the beast yells 'did you hear me? i'm playing tennis today, i'm going to call carol, do we have tennis rackets? where did you put those tennis rackets i used last summer?'
the husband is eating his pizza, he doesn't know who carol is, he isn't listening
he is only thinking that he needs to leave the kitchen soon to go to the back porch and then get in the car and drive somewhere before the beast gets up and sees him and tries to talk to him more
the beast yells 'that pizza smells good, what's the number for pizza hut michael? are they open right now?'
the beast yells her husband's name a few more times in the next twenty minutes then lays on the sofa and falls asleep on her back and a few minutes later begins to snore
a slightly chubby party beast is walking on a treadmil
she is wearing a giant t-shirt with the bottom tied tight around her waist
the t-shirt says 'support your local strip club'
she has her headphones plugged into the television and is watching 'american idol'
a short quiet beast with dyed black hair is walking next to her
the short quiet beast looks over at her nervously and thinks 'is she a stripper? i hope she is a stripper'
the short quiet beast would like to be a stripper but is afraid she is too fat and has only stripped before going into the shower. she often runs on the treadmill, occasionally glancing over at the party beast thinking 'how do they know how to pole dance? do they train them at the strip club? i'll never be a stripper. i am so fucked'
a skinny beast with a neutral facial expression is riding a bike
the bike says 'turbo' on it six times in different places
the skinny beast gets off his bike and takes a picture of the word 'turbo' and sends it to the short quiet beast
the short quiet beast looks at the picture with a neutral facial expression and sends a text message to the skinny beast that says 'jealous'
the skinny beast rides his bike home and drinks a smoothie with filtered water, organic bananas, organic spinach, and organic pumpkin seeds
a large inventor beast walks into the kitchen with a concentrating facial expression
the skinny beast looks at the large inventor beast but the large inventor beast doesn't see the skinny beast
the large inventor beast walks out of the kitchen
at 10 p.m. the gym closes and the homeless rabbit walks out
she walks 1 1/2 miles to price chopper and sits in the dining area
she holds her 2-liter bottle of diet-coke in her lap and watches the price chopper tv
moby is riding in a convertible with gwen stefani who is standing and gyrating her hips
dance music is playing
moby steps out of the convertible with a combination of 'sexy' and 'neutral' facial expression
moby is wearing a fake white mink fur scarf
the homeless rabbit has wide calm eyes and a concerned facial expression
the homeless rabbit goes to the produce section and looks at the organic bananas with wide calm eyes while thinking about riding in a convertible with a giant gyrating 2-liter bottle of diet-coke
on thursday morning the small canadian jujitsu beast is lifting weights in the basement floor of the gym
the small canadian jujitsu beast plays bass in a band
next to him is a large fraternity beast wearing a shirt that says 'looking 4 a memorable one night stand'
for breakfast the large fraternity beast drank a 'muscle milk' smoothie made with articial and natural flavors and whey protein
for breakfast the small canadian jujitsu beast drank a smoothie made out of organic unsweetened soymilk, blueberries, a banana, apple, and organic hemp seed protein powder
the large fraternity beast is lifting an 80 pound weight while grinning
the small canadian jujitsu beast lifts a 120 pound weight and stares with a neutral expression
the small canadian jujitsu beast puts down the weight and thinks calmy to himself 'victory'
the large fraternity beast feels embarrassed
at night chubby moby touches himself while looking at the ceiling with a neutral expression
at night the homeless rabbit takes a train to new york city to walk around and look at things
at night the white trash beasts sleep in front of a glowing tv screen showing an informercial for 'the ultimate collection of chart topping classic southern rock hits'
at night the skinny beast types emails to the quiet beast while listening to a frustrated person sing 'i'm not proud of being a man'
at night the inventor beast stares at a giant bathroom wall covered with mirrors and thinks 'i have not learned enough'
at night the quiet beast stops itself from crying over past mistakes and thinks about the possibility of change then quietly falls asleep
the homeless rabbit is here.
her hair is dyed black on bottom and bleached blonde on top.
her mouth moves in and out like a rabbit.
she is quiet.
she is sitting with a two-liter bottle of diet coke watching a small television on mute with captions.
she has been here watching television for three hours.
she is the homeless rabbit.
exercising on an eliptical machine across from the homeless rabbit is chubby moby
he is wearing a bright orange shirt and black rimmed glasses
he watches television with captions while listening to an ipod
moby is small and skinny and wears clean new balance shoes
chubby moby is very tall and a little chubby and wears clean new puma shoes
he is always grimacing in pain
he only comes here on friday
friday is chubby moby day
at 6 o'clock two white trash beast friends walk on treadmils together
they are not quiet and polite
today the beast friends bring one of their grandsons
the grandson is a small beast and is acting like an asshole
the grandma beast says 'if you run out of my sight one more time i am going to tell your mother to beat your ass when we get home'
the grandson then sits quietly and reads 'cosmopolitan' magazine from the magazine rack in the corner
the white trash beasts continue walking
one beast says 'i think i am going to eat a turkey sandwich with ranch dressing tonight'
the other beast says 'that sounds good, i think weightwatchers says that is okay'
after exercising chubby moby drives to his apartment and opens the door and walks inside
chubby moby walks to the kitchen counter where his laptop computer is and checks myspace
he has no new friend requests and no new messages
chubby moby looks up from the computer very bored
it is 9 p.m. on friday night
chubby moby lives alone with a 50 gallon fish tank
on the way to his fish tank to feed the fish chubby moby trips on a self-help book for weight-loss and falls toward the fish tank
to avoid knocking the fish tank over chubby moby turns very quickly away from the fish tank while still in the air and falls onto his coffee table breaking the glass and knocking over two half-filled gas station cups of diet mountain dew, three mostly-eaten paper containers of fish sandwiches from burger king, five half-used containers of barbeque sauce from wendy's, one half-filled 24 oz cup of coffee, a stack of DVDs from hollywood video including four jet li movies and two steven seagal movies, and an opened but unused package of optimum slim organic cereal
chubby moby is laying facedown on the coffee table bleeding from the glass and wet from the barbeque sauce, diet mountain dew, and coffee in a contorted position with his right arm under his body with the hands on the left side of the body, his left arm behind his head, his right leg bent under his body with the knee putting pressure on his chest, and his left leg behind him with the foot on the carpet
'fuck' chubby moby thinks calmly
on mid-saturday afternoon the gym is calm
one of the white trash beasts shows up
a half an hour later the other white trash beast shows up
they usually walk next to each other on the treadmills
today they are four treadmills apart
the white trash beast who came a half and hour later still wants to talk to her white trash beast friend
she yells 'how are you doing pat? are you going to the weight watchers meeting tonight?'
the other beast says 'no i have been very bad this week, i can't go there'
the beast replies 'bobby has only been doing it for two weeks and she's already lost 16 pounds'
the beasts cell phone rings. while she is talking loudly on her cell phone the other beast thinks about her week. she thinks about the bulk case of otis spunkmeyer blueberry muffins she bought from sam's club. each muffin has 700 calories. in three days, the case was gone. this morning while shitting she calculates the weight watcher points she has consumed. 'that was 1,000 weight watcher points' she thinks. 'shit' she thinks.
the beast pat is in her living room on the sofa saturday morning watching the news on TV
her husband is in the kitchen microwaving a piece of pizza
the beast yells from the living room 'i'm going to play tennis with carol today'
a few minutes later the beast yells 'did you hear me? i'm playing tennis today, i'm going to call carol, do we have tennis rackets? where did you put those tennis rackets i used last summer?'
the husband is eating his pizza, he doesn't know who carol is, he isn't listening
he is only thinking that he needs to leave the kitchen soon to go to the back porch and then get in the car and drive somewhere before the beast gets up and sees him and tries to talk to him more
the beast yells 'that pizza smells good, what's the number for pizza hut michael? are they open right now?'
the beast yells her husband's name a few more times in the next twenty minutes then lays on the sofa and falls asleep on her back and a few minutes later begins to snore
a slightly chubby party beast is walking on a treadmil
she is wearing a giant t-shirt with the bottom tied tight around her waist
the t-shirt says 'support your local strip club'
she has her headphones plugged into the television and is watching 'american idol'
a short quiet beast with dyed black hair is walking next to her
the short quiet beast looks over at her nervously and thinks 'is she a stripper? i hope she is a stripper'
the short quiet beast would like to be a stripper but is afraid she is too fat and has only stripped before going into the shower. she often runs on the treadmill, occasionally glancing over at the party beast thinking 'how do they know how to pole dance? do they train them at the strip club? i'll never be a stripper. i am so fucked'
a skinny beast with a neutral facial expression is riding a bike
the bike says 'turbo' on it six times in different places
the skinny beast gets off his bike and takes a picture of the word 'turbo' and sends it to the short quiet beast
the short quiet beast looks at the picture with a neutral facial expression and sends a text message to the skinny beast that says 'jealous'
the skinny beast rides his bike home and drinks a smoothie with filtered water, organic bananas, organic spinach, and organic pumpkin seeds
a large inventor beast walks into the kitchen with a concentrating facial expression
the skinny beast looks at the large inventor beast but the large inventor beast doesn't see the skinny beast
the large inventor beast walks out of the kitchen
at 10 p.m. the gym closes and the homeless rabbit walks out
she walks 1 1/2 miles to price chopper and sits in the dining area
she holds her 2-liter bottle of diet-coke in her lap and watches the price chopper tv
moby is riding in a convertible with gwen stefani who is standing and gyrating her hips
dance music is playing
moby steps out of the convertible with a combination of 'sexy' and 'neutral' facial expression
moby is wearing a fake white mink fur scarf
the homeless rabbit has wide calm eyes and a concerned facial expression
the homeless rabbit goes to the produce section and looks at the organic bananas with wide calm eyes while thinking about riding in a convertible with a giant gyrating 2-liter bottle of diet-coke
on thursday morning the small canadian jujitsu beast is lifting weights in the basement floor of the gym
the small canadian jujitsu beast plays bass in a band
next to him is a large fraternity beast wearing a shirt that says 'looking 4 a memorable one night stand'
for breakfast the large fraternity beast drank a 'muscle milk' smoothie made with articial and natural flavors and whey protein
for breakfast the small canadian jujitsu beast drank a smoothie made out of organic unsweetened soymilk, blueberries, a banana, apple, and organic hemp seed protein powder
the large fraternity beast is lifting an 80 pound weight while grinning
the small canadian jujitsu beast lifts a 120 pound weight and stares with a neutral expression
the small canadian jujitsu beast puts down the weight and thinks calmy to himself 'victory'
the large fraternity beast feels embarrassed
at night chubby moby touches himself while looking at the ceiling with a neutral expression
at night the homeless rabbit takes a train to new york city to walk around and look at things
at night the white trash beasts sleep in front of a glowing tv screen showing an informercial for 'the ultimate collection of chart topping classic southern rock hits'
at night the skinny beast types emails to the quiet beast while listening to a frustrated person sing 'i'm not proud of being a man'
at night the inventor beast stares at a giant bathroom wall covered with mirrors and thinks 'i have not learned enough'
at night the quiet beast stops itself from crying over past mistakes and thinks about the possibility of change then quietly falls asleep
3:11 PM
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